Faraway, so Close
by cammylopez
Summary: What happens when the love of your life gets shot and it's your fault? Castle debates on whether to protect Kate from the sniper or solving her mother's murder. What if he can't do both? Is leaving Kate alone the solution?   Post Knockout.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Faraway, so Close**

**Disclaimer: Oh, Castle! I wish I owned it but nope, I can barely write so that would be some kind of miracle!**

**Summary: What happens when the love of your life gets shot and it's your fault? Rick Castle is debating on whether to protect Kate from whoever shot her, and solving her mother's murder. What if he can't do both? Is leaving Kate alone the solution? A series of events will tell him and Kate if they are made for each other, and if they can leave aside the dangers the case has brought to their lives to finally be happy. Post-Knockout.**

**Author's Note: Oh hello there, you must be thinking, what is this person who always abandons her fics, doing writing a Castle fic? Well, after the finale I had this idea, I've developed it a bit, but still haven't decided much where to take it... I did feel I should share it, considering the season premiere is almost here (YAY!) and basically I didn't want to influence my writing with what they will be showing, if you what I mean... Anyway, I hope you like this and if you do, please let me know, since I'm a bit scared about the response to this! I wonder if it's too short? haha well, let me know also if there's a bit typo out there, because hey, I'm not a native english speaker so I might make a couple awful mistakes :P Okai, enough, let's read!**

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><p><strong>Chapter I<strong>

It all happened in a matter of seconds. Just ten of those ago, Richard Castle was holding his lover's gaze. Her eyes, filled with fear and regret, told him how much she feared what they had experienced. The lost of a friend, of a leader. But they knew, and she made it present in her speech, that they would be there for each other, standing for the other, no matter what. And then, it was all over.

Kate Beckett was not talking in her strong intonation anymore, neither hearing anything around her. The popping sound of the bullet in her chest echoed inside of her. 'pop, pop, pop' she would hear. And a whisper.

She would only hear a whisper, as her tearful partner held her head and bleeding body close to his. The popping sound was replaced by his fast beating heart.

"_Stay with me, Kate"_

She thought of how she had never felt that heart so close to hers before, and regretted once again taking so long to feel it. "_If Only..." _she would silently repeat in her mind. It was only then when she realized it was her heart the one she was feeling, an a warm and racing palpitation that was the only thing deviating her from the excruciating pain of her wound.

Detective Beckett had been shot before, put down on the ground by a bullet that partially scratched her arm. At the moment, she then thought that was painful. Funny thing, she thought, she had not thought of how worse it could get. She felt her defined abdomen relent with blood as Castle tried to, unluckily, identify the entrance of the bullet. The pressure building up in her stomach found its way out through the tiny hole left by the projectile somewhere close to her heart, Castle calculated. Her blood became more visible to Castle, and desperately he tried to put pressure on the wound.

Blankly staring, she could feel the weight of his hands in her chest, and when in every other moment she would have pushed him away for touching her, this time, she wishes she could feel the warmth of his hands instead of the coldness of an open wound. His lips were moving, and even though she could not hear him, she knew what he was saying. "I love you" She could make out of his lips now wet in tears, the same tears that fell on her face and made her pain grew even more. From the corner of her eye, a single tear dropped. It was almost as if she had realized the light was gone. The sound she heard before was fading as seconds went by, and she was battling to keep her eyes open, and try to hear the soothing words of her partner. The battle was lost before she could even reciprocate his words. _I love you too_, was her last thought before it all went blurry and black.

"_I always thought, being a cop, I'd take a bullet" _She once said to him. Thankfully, who knows what power on Earth, decided Richard Castle would be relieved this was not the time to let his partner go.

On a Monday morning, Rick walked near the benches on Battery Park. It was not his usual walk; most of the time he would go to Bryant Park, for its closeness to the 12th precinct. This day, however, he walked recalling a story Kate had once secretively shared with him.

On one of those late night in the precinct, it would not be weird that Beckett shared a little story of her childhood with Castle... Especially with him. After closing a case of a body washing up on the river, Beckett had remembered a walk she had with her parents when she was a kid, long before her mother's murder. While playing in the park, she had lost a stuffed duck that had been recently given to her by her mom. As a way to comfort her, Johanna Beckett took her for a walk away from the playground, while her dad looked for the yellow puppet. She even remembered her mom gave her a cinnamon pretzel and took her to the benches to sit as they looked at the Statue of Liberty.

"_I cried for hours!" _She smiled, in a way that could only be when talking about her mother_ "As a child, I wondered if the duck had swum to Liberty Island" _Said as she took a picture out of her wallet; it was folded in four parts, a picture of her standing with her pretzel in her right hand mimicking Lady Liberty. _"Mom said that I was as tall as the Statue of Liberty, and when I saw this picture I believed her" She sighed, looking up with a small and painful smile, still remembering her mother's voice. "I still believe her, even when I know it's a lot bigger than I was". _

"_Silly thing"_ she had told him after finishing the story, trying to give it less significance. But he knew her better than that; Everything involving her mother had more significance than he could ever comprehend.

He nearly smiled at the sight of the bench. Almost twenty five years later, a bench sat on the same point where a young and tearful Kate Beckett played with her mother. The wooden benches had been replaced by concrete ones, but there was no doubt that was the same location of the picture. Placing a stuffed duck next to him, Castle sat on the bench and pressed the puppet as close to him as possible_._

"If I had only given this to you earlier..." he whispered, directing his pain to the Universe, "If I..." He hesitated. "if I hadn't just waited until it was too late".

He sat there for a couple of minutes, feeling the breeze of the river, one similar to the one he had felt in the cemetery when Beckett was shot. He closed his eyes tightly trying to fight the horrid memories. It had been weeks since the incident, but he could still feel the density of her blood in his hands, her own getting colder with every second the blood left her body. Instinctively, he rubbed his hands together to make sure he was just thinking of it, and it wasn't real. Sometimes his mind would take him to the moment, he would re-live it thinking of things he could have done to change what had happened.

"_I could have jumped to cover her as soon as I saw the shine" _

"_I could have told her to wear a vest before the ceremony" _

"_I could have been the one shot, not her" _

He couldn't take it anymore, and tears slowly dropped down his cheeks, just like thousands of them had in the silence of his room, at nights, thinking over and over again of Beckett.

"_I could have just left her mother's murder untouched... like she asked..."_

His partner had been almost killed. She was lucky, he thought, because it couldn't be any other way, that her operation had gone well. After all it was a benefit to know a Cardiac surgeon...

In the midst of the moment, a vibration in his pocket dissolved the thought. It took him a moment to pick it up, for he knew what the call was about.

"Castle" He said as he usually did, but tone was not the playful one he would use when Beckett called, it had been a while since he used it. No witty comments or literary brilliance in his speech... no... not when Beckett was not around to call him out on it. The man on the other side of the line, spoke comfortably. He had gotten used to his voice. Jim Beckett would visit him every a couple of days to update him on his daughter's condition. For a moment they just stayed on the line, none wanting to speak first, but the writer assumed he was calling to talk about her.

After a couple of seconds the older man sighed and said, "She's awake".

That was all Richard Castle needed to get up and start walking away from the quiet park. "I'm on my way" He answered, dryly and clicked off.

Quickly after he got up, he realized the the duck was no longer in his hand, and with a crooked smile, he looked back at the bench, where the yellow plush still sat. He was not going to disappoint Kate again. He couldn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Faraway, so Close**

**Disclaimer: I own no Castle, neither the building or the show :D**

**Summary: What happens when the love of your life gets shot and it's your fault? Rick Castle is debating on whether to protect Kate from whoever shot her, and solving her mother's murder. What if he can't do both? Is leaving Kate alone the solution? A series of events will tell him and Kate if they are made for each other, and if they can leave aside the dangers the case has brought to their lives to finally be happy. Post-Knockout. **

**Author's Note: I'm very thankful for the response, and the reviews I got, your advices are the best! ^^ Now, I hope you continue living this story with me and share your thoughts on it, okay? :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter II<strong>

_Blood everywhere. Almost out of breathe, the detective's hands traveled on her own chest as she tried to find a painless wound. Slowly, her chest opened to let her see her own heart beating strongly, surrounded by blood from the vessels coming from it, from all sides of it, it oozed with the reddest of fluids. Shakily, she tried blocking the wound, but it was impossible, she was going to bleed out. Desperate she tried to talk, but it was impossible, it did not hurt, but the wound would not allow her to speak. Suddenly, a man, whose face she couldn't see, was coming to her. She hoped it was to help her, but all he did was put a white veil on her face and left... _and she was awake.

To Kate Beckett, the smell of hospitals was not pleasant. She wondered, opening her eyes and as she looked around the white room, how people working there could stand the brightness of the floors and the pristine walls. It was so different from where she'd spend her days, and as much as she wished she spent more time at home, she had become accustomed to the precinct's comfortable shadow and in the hospital, every room was so bright it would bother her.

For the passed days, she had been going on and off reality. Not only did the pain caused by surgery made her tired, but Roy Montgomery's death was still on her mind. She had forgiven him, and he had sacrificed his life for her anyway. Because of her. It was her fault. He had died a hero, and to her and the team's misery , one with a very dark past that haunted them all. In the days following her surgery, Kate would have nightmares that would wake her up in the middle of the night and drain all of her energy to a point that by day she wouldn't even open her eyes. Everything was a blur to her, and as much as she wanted to be her again, it was too painful to continue life as it was before. Rick and her father would stay with her day and night, but it she rarely acknowledged their presence.

The doctors had treated her with strong medication as to help her recover from both wounds, or at least help one of them if not completely heal the other. There was nothing correctable about getting over someone's death, her doctor knew, but for her sake he proceeded that way.

As she straightened in her bed, after days of not doing so, she could feel the tissue in her chest tighten and her back stiffen, which made her wonder how long she had been hospitalized. A few days? A week? A couple of weeks? "It couldn't be that long..." she thought.

Beckett looked around the room, there was no one there at the moment. She knew that, logically, all of her loved ones wouldn't be there all the time if she had been in the hospital for so long, but she wish there had been a familiar face. A few minutes passed, and she couldn't erase the feeling. She felt so lonely...

"And the phoenix rises from the ashes" The best-known face she could have expected, was now with her, putting his phone in the pocket as he walked in closer to her bed. He seemed composed, relieved she was awake for good. "How are you feeling, Katie?"

"Dad, I'm fine" She said, trying to shift in the bed, as to ameliorate the pain from the left side of her chest. "How long was I out?" She signaled her father so he gave her a glass of water. "What are the doctors saying?" She then said calmly.

"Well, you'll be ready to go home in a couple of days. It's been two weeks since..." He let that in the air. She knew since when. He ended filling a plastic cup with water and gave it to her, and watched her carefully as she finished it and left it on the nightstand. "That doctor, the one who operated on you..." He continued as he filled another glass and gave it to her, "He said you'd be home a week ago, but I guessed he just changed his mind..."

Kate rolled her eyes as she drank from the cup. She did not need this conversation again. "You mean Josh" she now said resting her head back in the pillow and closing her eyes. "And he's also my boyfriend, so it wouldn't be that bad if you would treat him like what he is."

"Oh, really, Katie?" He frowned and leaned on the door frame. "Is that what he is?" Folded his arms in front of his chest, just like she would when interrogating someone. He was _good_, her teenage years had taught her that her own abilities had been part of the genes coming from his dad's side. "I guess you'll have to remind him next time you get shot, I mean... if he's even in the country at the moment." Kate was not sure if his speech was the one stinging her chest or if the real wound was, but when she looked at him, it seemed as if it hurt him as it did to her.

"I'll be fine, Dad" She then said. But she wouldn't. All the conversation did to her was remind her of the events before her injury. And Castle...They hadn't talked since before the funeral, and the words when... when she was shot... For some reason the argument remind her of her partner.

She knew what her father mean, and it wasn't Josh he didn't approve of, but her decisions of sharing her life with someone who was not there for her when she needed a shoulder to lean on. Just like her, Jim was not someone willing to open up, share feelings in such a clear, concrete, freely way. Instead, he would just throw something out there, and expect her to pick it up and allow her feelings to flow. He was the only who could do that and actually get something from her... aside from Castle. These two were the only ones who would not get pointed at with a gun for trying to get in her business. At least, not in the first attempt.

"Where's Castle?" she said putting aside her father's speech, his jaw tensing at her every attempt of diverting from the stubborn was his baby!

"He's on his way here" Trying not to show his discontent. She hadn't opened up, she hadn't since the case had been open again. She had, however, been operated on the chest and he figured she couldn't handle more problems at the moment, so he let it go. For now. "He's been here since the operation and I sent him home just yesterday" He said relaxing, "Rick, he... he wanted to be here when you woke up"

"Okay" She said, probably with more expression of her sentiment than she might have wanted. It was all affecting her. Montgomery, Castle, her mother, her father. Therefore she felt she should try to fix what just had happened with her father, after all he was there and he had been all along. Once again she raised from the back of the bed and intended to continue talking, she couldn't continue dragging her issues, not after all that happened. What if she lost him next time?

"Dad, I..." She said, before Josh energetically walked in the room with a chart in his hands. "Well, hello Kate" he said placing a kiss on her temple. "How ya feeling?" He was sweet... but was that what she needed at the moment? A cheery doctor?

"Like I got shot and then got operated on" She said in the plainest of tones. Josh, not wanting to start an argument of any sort, assumed it was the medication talking but not before glancing over to her father with a raised eyebrow. "Let's check that wound, ok?" Josh said now looking at Kate. Jim Beckett was too polite of a man to cause trouble between Kate and the doctor, so he just smiled and unhurriedly left the room, as to not disturb the check up Josh had to perform.

Jim waited outside the room for a moment and reminded himself of all that had been going on in the past days. A couple of days before the shooting, he had visited his wife's grave, he had knelt down on the ground next to the engraved name of Johanna Beckett and placed flowers on top of it. He reminded himself of how much he hated having to visit her there and reminded himself of all the pain he had caused Kate after her mother died. He missed having her by his side and her advices, and had always considered her to be on her side about never let their daughter join the force. Now, without her, he feared that next one to be buried with Johanna would be their daughter and it hurt him even more to think she could have died for the same unknown reason.

While he held his head in between his hands, he heard some quick, and yet strong, steps coming in his direction. He knew it was Castle, so he stayed in his seat and waited until he sat to show his reddened face. He faked a smile but he was fooling no one, Castle looked just as awful as he did. Over the time they'd spent in the hospital, Rick had grown a short beard and the bags under his eyes, denounced the lack of sleep experienced. Now, the beard was gone, which Jim guessed would be to not have Kate laugh at him. Even though Jim had send Rick home, at night it was impossible to get to sleep, and he hadn't tried either for there was no way, Rick Castle would let his guard down, just in case he got a call from the precinct or the hospital.

Sitting next to Jim, he offered him his hand for a shake. The older Beckett looked at his daughter's partner and not only did he firmly answer his greeting but complemented it with a pat on the back, reassuring that his company was welcome.

"How is she?" said Castle when they'd relaxed a little.

"She's..." He could barely say it. _Gorgeous and hurt and so fragile at the same moment _ "okay" he finally said.

Castle settled for that, and in the awkwardness of the moment found no other thing to say than "I got her this" and he as he showed him the yellow duck and a bouquet with flowers of eery possible color. "I didn't know what color to choose, so I brought all the ones they had at the store..."

Nervously and realizing Jim remembered the significance of the duck, he continued. "Also, I... I wrote her something." He picked a piece of paper from his pocket, it had been folded several times into smaller squares. Jim extended a hand and moved his fingers rapidly to make Castle show it to him. Castle, filled with uncertainty, handed it. The words almost burned the paper, as Jim could feel the outline of every word from across the sheet. He couldn't help but notice all paragraphs included the word _sorry _and he even found complete lines where there was no other word but _sorry_. That was something Castle and his daughter shared, he thought. Even after more than 20 best-sellers it was hard for him to talk about his feelings. Katie, he thought, knew a lot about literature, would read enormous books of Russian authors and had no trouble getting information from people at interrogations. Yet, she had trouble expressing herself when it came to her feelings.

How could the writer sitting next to him be successful for narrating and when dealing with his feelings be only capable of saying _sorry_? He sure would have to make some other effort if he wanted Kate to return his feelings.

"Rick, you..." Jim said trying to organize his thoughts. "You were there for Katie..."

"So were you..." he answered puzzled. He was talking about Montgomery's funeral, right?

"No, no like that" he said with a crooked smile. It was the first smile Jim had offered him since the funeral. "I mean, you were there and you brought this duck and... that's evidence of your presence, son. But you can offer a lot more than paper filled with _I'm sorry_'s" Castle was confused, what did he mean by offer more?

"Don't look at me like that! You know exactly what I mean" he said realizing Castle was surprised by his bluntness. And in a way only the Becketts could talk, with strength but almost tangible pain he said "She'll love the duck. That time, god, she cried for hours... But I guess you already know I couldn't find it". He put his hands together and leaned to put his weight on his knees, probably remembering the moment, Castle thought.

"I'm glad you have been here for her when all I've been is a picture on the night table and a monthly call" Castle understood his misery. He felt as hurt as Jim was of seeing her in harm. Instead of opening up the wound even more both man stood and Rick headed to see Kate.

"Castle" Jim said turning before turning on a hallway. "Josh's in there... and advice?" He said pointing at the flowers "Get those to her before they start to smell" and he turned to walk slowly to the elevator.


End file.
